Seven Stages of a Woman

A man came up to a lady in a shopping mall with a real worried expression.

“Can we speak for a few moments please?” he asked. “Why?” She asked surprised. “My wife is missing and I know she ‘ll appear from nowhere the moment she sees me talking to a beautiful woman!”

Shakespeare has spoken about the 7 stages of man. Little did he know that centuries down the line there would be a day called Women’s day! So why not explore our seven stages? Put on your thinking caps, caps of imagination, creativity and humor, sit back and relax. I know, we women have a very good sense of humor and can laugh at ourselves. So no offence meant, keep your mind open & I assure you you’re going to have a whale of a time!

The seven stages are: Infant, Child, Adolescence, Young lady, Young lady, Young lady And Young Lady.

Now let us explore each stage!!!

The first stage is that of an Infant. The baby girl, the apple of everyone at home esp. the father. With dresses galore in the marketplace she gets to enjoy everyone of them. Backless, sleeveless, off shoulder, smocking, frilly ones, long or short, SIZE DOES NOT MATTER. The best phase for both the child & parents.

Next is that of a Child. Carefree, Confident and shy, sweet, lovely to talk to, she slowly starts to try & understand the world around her. Parents try speaking in code in front of her & she is smart to understand. Like this kid. Her parents were busy discussing the previous night’s dinner. Mama said, “I’m actually impressed with the Mehtas what an educated couple? The wife has a MA from BU while the husband a PhD from MIT.” Angrily their 5 yr old drops her fork. “What’s wrong dear?” asks Mama. With a frown the child replies, “You’re always spelling and I never know what you’re talking!!!!!!!!!!” A cute innocent phase when every area is questioned & answers have to be given.

Third the phase of adolescence. Growing up blooming beautifully becoming aware of herself. Friends play a very important role. This continues till she is through school & college. Life gives her opportunities to understand why she is different & what makes her beautiful. As they say, small children spoil a day’s sleep; big children spoil life’s sleep. This is that phase for parents. Here, SIZE DOES MATTER. Size of the dress is what I mean.

Next is the young lady, someone for whom everything in life is seen thru a shade of romance, Life is lovely & so are her dreams. Nothing can stop her from achieving them; here comes the awareness of the TALL, DARK & HANDSOME Prince waiting to carry her off in his horse to distant lands where she will have only happiness. She dreams of sinking into his arms & living happily ever after.

The next phase is when this young lady decides SHE WILL GROW ONLY YOUNGER HENCEFORTH.

She decides that her prince should not only be Tall, Dark & Handsome but also have MONEY. She finds one such but …BUT instead of sinking into his arms after marriage she ends up with HER ARMS IN THE SINK.

REALITY DAWNS.
Then comes the phase with children. Her first shock in life comes when she hears ‘AUNTY’ a word used for HER by kids or just about anybody maybe even 5-6years younger AND SOMETIMES OLDER. A shock she cannot accept but is forced to soon. I remember this lady who got into a crowded bus sometime in the evening hours. Dressed in a sleeveless blouse she looked easily in her late forties with lots of grey hair. It was evening time & there were a lot of school children in too. An 8 year old wanting to excuse herself said, “SOLPA JAGA BIDU AJJI” & suddenly this lady was furious. She got her energy from nowhere & said; “YAARE AJJI?” The whole bus fell silent.

I KNEW EXACTLY HOW SHE FELT.

I TOLD YOU WE DON’T LIKE BEING CALLED OLD.

The next phase of this young lady is when children get married.

There was this lady who had got both her son & daughter married around the same time. Once her friend visited her & asked her how her daughter was .Her face lit up & she very proudly said. “A successful man is he who can earn more than his wife can spend & a successful woman who can find such a man. My daughter has found such a man. I just can’t speak to her, She’s out in the club on Mondays, Busy in the parlour on Tuesdays, They go out for drives on Wednesdays, Movies on Thursdays and long drives on Fridays; Saturday & Sunday out again. They invariably are never home ALWAYS ENJOYING LIFE.”

“Lovely! How is your daughter in law?” “Oh! Don’t ask she is never at home. I never meet her! Very irresponsible!! Really! She goes to the club on Monday, every Tuesday I don’t know what she does in the parlour Wednesday is their day for drives, I don’t understand where they go every week! Thursday is when they go for movies she can’t waste money like this you see & longer drives on Friday. Saturdays & Sundays they are never at home. I’m actually upset with her. I think people are right when they say:

A daughter is a daughter for life, a son, a son till he gets his wife!

The last and final Phase is the most interesting and challenging. The phase of rediscovery!

Rediscovering the youth in her obviously. Children have gone their way & grandchildren are finding theirs. Suddenly, grey hair disappears. No, No not from the scalp they only change colour! They turn black! Smiles look better than they were all along (let me share the secret, Artificial dentures makes all the difference!) A phase when time is available aplenty but physically she can’t cope up with all she wants to do. STILL she tries & determined that she is, manages to do most of what she wants. After all nature has ordained her with a great amount of emotional strength. She achieves all her dreams or at least tries to. Here all she does is only to please HERSELF & for HER satisfaction. For as they rightly say, AGE IS ALL IN THE MIND.

The different stages of a lady’s requirement of her man is beautifully summed in this quote:

At 17- all she wants from a man is that he should be- Tall, Dark & Handsome.

At 25- Tall, Dark, Handsome with Money

At 35- Tall, Dark, Handsome with money & brains. (VERY DIFFICULT!)
At 50- A man with hair

At 70- JUST A MAN.